I have to make a confession.
Recently, I have found myself in a place of wanting. A place where I wish for more, for different. A place where jealousy can easily entangle my heart.
And I look at the world around me, thinking to myself IF ONLY.
If only I could travel the world; take that romantic getaway with my husband, experience that tropical vacation I’ve been longing for, show my children the majesty of the mountain summits and the roar of the Ocean.
If only I could be an adventurer; traveling to third world countries, bringing food, and Bibles, and love.
If only I could experience the fine dining that the world has to offer; to taste the delicacies.
If only I had a nicer home, or a more well kept yard.
If only I could get that book published, the one I’ve been dreaming about. If only I could speak to the masses. If only my name would be known by more than the 15 people who read my occasional blog posts.
And, if only I had the bank account balance to make it all be, without guilt, and without stress.
THEN, I could be happy. Fulfilled, not wanting for anything more.
I remember the words of a wise man in Ecclesiastes.
Meaningless, it’s all meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
You see, none of the things I mentioned in and of themselves are wrong. Most are positive things to dream about, to hope for.
The problem is when I buy into the lie that these things will fulfill me. That these things will make me happy.
You see, if I am unfulfilled today, in this place where God has put me, then I need more of Him. Today, I need Jesus. But, instead my stubborn heart is wandering again. My heart decides just maybe the world has something to offer me that can satisfy my restless places.
But it doesn’t.
Meaningless. Without Him first, it’s ALL meaningless. Even the really GOOD stuff.
God, let me be an adventurer. Let me be a world changer. Let me live this day you’ve given me to the fullest. BUT, above all else, let me know you, let me love you, let me need you.
You are my source of fulfillment.
Ecclesiastes 2:11 “Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after wind; nothing was gained under the sun.”