My Secret Sin


*I wrote this recently in the midst of a real struggle in my own life. This is the 2nd post in a 6 post series entitled “Struggling”. My prayer is that you would be encouraged by my honesty and that God would use this series to help you in the midst of your own struggle, whatever that may be. Click here to read the 1st post. *

We are all messed up. 

Some of you may be alcoholics. You are addicts. You have an unhealthy relationship with food, or with gambling, or with your sexuality. People see it. They undoubtedly see the affects of your choices. They watch as your struggle with alcohol overtakes your life, your job, your family. They observe as your drug poisons your body; your appearance is deteriorating. They view the unhealthy results of your struggle.

You couldn’t hide it even if you wanted to. You wear your struggle upon your sleeve, and the world knows.

They know you are struggling. They know you are messed up.

We are all messed up.

I, too, am messed up.

But what about me? What about the sin that is written ever across my heart, but is rarely seen upon my face, rarely observed by those around me?

I could keep it hidden forever, letting it eat away at me.

I could pretend. After all, it is easy to put on a smile, a fake face. It is easy to just say “good, I’m doing good” in a passing conversation.

I can put on my makeup and my nicest of clothes, but God sees my heart, and nothing I can put on outwardly will change the struggle that is taking place in there.

My struggle is hidden, and few see it.

I am a white washed tomb.

It is easier to simply pretend that I don’t struggle at all, and for some reason (totally unfathomable to me) people believe it.

But, what good does it do for me to pretend? And, what good does it do for you to pretend? We MUST stop this pretending.

As I struggle in secret I make a choice to tell the world, not the whole world at first. I tell my friends, the ones I trust. The ones who know truth. The ones who will help pray me through this place.

And, as I walk through this place I begin to tell more people. I begin to let others see me struggle.

This is another step in the right direction. I choose to unveil my hiding, so that I may have help, so that I must be accountable, so that I no longer feel alone.

What struggle are you facing today? Could I encourage you to share your struggle with a trusted friend, one who will speak truth into your life as you walk through this trying time, these difficult emotions, or that habit you know is not honoring the Lord?

There is truth to the saying, “the first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem.”

I have a problem, actually a whole list of them. My guess is that you do too. Let’s walk this journey together, my friend. You are not alone.

Thank God that He washes us clean in the midst of our filthy mess. Thank God that through Him we are righteous, even in the midst of our white washed moments.

Matthew 23:27 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.”


3 thoughts on “My Secret Sin

  1. And here I was hoping for some disclosure.

    You’re absolutely right. Some sins can’t be hidden, but others fester in the dark behind a mask of hypocrisy or just a veil of secrecy. I don’t know which is worse, honestly.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s