Yes, I’m Struggling

struggle

*I wrote this recently in the midst of a real struggle in my own life. This is the first post in a 6 post series entitled “Struggling”. My prayer is that you would be encouraged by my honesty and that God would use this series to help you in the midst of your own struggle, whatever that may be.*

Struggle. I’ve been struggling. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally. For hours, and days, and even some weeks now.

Yes, me, the one who stands in front of a church to lead praise to my God.

Yes, me, the one who gets to stay home with babies and play in the yard throughout the day.

 Yes, me, the one who writes about Jesus and all that He is doing, the one who talks about His power, and His healing, and the way He alone satisfies.

Yes, me, the one who has been going to church since before I can even remember.

I am struggling. Today the struggle is lingering. A feeling deep in my gut, a sickness in my stomach.

The struggle overwhelms me throughout the day, and as darkness falls, and I lay alone in the silence it begins to overtake me.

Most days my struggle pours out through my eyes, leaving only traces of tears down my worn cheeks. And, as I stand in the kitchen, while the tears pour out and the supper is making, and I count my blessing, the struggle is still there. Like a burden I cannot get rid of, a weight upon my weak shoulders.

And, sadly, I have been ashamed to speak, mostly because I cannot find the words. Afraid to write, wondering, What will people think of me? Will they see me differently? Will they treat me differently. I am embarrassed to struggle.

How ridiculously silly is that? Who am I to be embarrassed of struggling? After all, I am only human.

You too are human. You too struggle.

Why do I feel like I must pretend to have it all together? I don’t. I can’t.

I feel broken. SO incredibly broken, and I am. Maybe this is God’s way of reminding me how broken I am. Maybe I need to be here so I can need him even greater.

I feel all alone, and yet I know I am not. And you friend, are not alone either.

As these feeling over take my heart each day, I go into battle. Many days I lose, in and of myself. The lies win. The hurt wins. The enemy wins. But only for a day.

The truth is while I feel very hopeless in this rut, I know I have hope

While I feel very lonely, I know I am not alone.

While I feel like no one knows me or sees me, I know the Creator of this Universe is looking down on me with love.

While I feel defeated, I know He has already won this battle.

My God is real and He is big and He is personal. He paid His very life to save me, to love me, to cleanse me. And, that is why it’s OK for me to struggle. It’s OK for you to struggle. Because we are human. Because my God has paid the price for the struggle I face today. Because I cannot do this on my own, and if I could then I would not need Him.

I am struggling. And, I’m not ashamed or embarrassed or afraid to say it.

Take heart my friends, in the midst of your struggle; you are just like the rest of us, broken, messed up, struggling, and so desperately in need of a Savior. Cling to Him today.

John 16: 33 ““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

With Love,

Sarah

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11 thoughts on “Yes, I’m Struggling

  1. Love this honesty. I wish I could think of the lyrics, but it goes something like “I don’t have to struggle to be free… I am free to struggle.” Oh I wish I could remember it better. But that there is so much the Christian life, if I quoted it correctly or not. The victory has already been done, the abundant life is ours!!! NOW!!! But still we struggle to live it out. Partnering with you in this! – Wen

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  2. I can not even tell you how important it is – especially because you/we stand up front, or are in leadership… to be real and honest and open… to lay down the masks and to be willing to be vulnerable in saying, “Yes – we struggle!” For when we put on brave, and speak that out, so many are able to then be brave back and say, “Me, too!” That point of solidarity… that is when Healing begins! Love this!

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  3. Sarah, I so love and appreciate your honesty here. We all struggle. But working at a church sometimes it is so hard to admit that even we struggle. But you’re right! God sees us and is with us in the midst of our struggles.

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  4. My friend, we all struggle–and you’re right! It’s ok. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help–it’s important that we don’t try to cloak or hide our struggles–because, I know, we suffer much longer if we do. I almost think that those in leadership positions need to have weekly sessions with non-interested third parties on a regular basis. The fishbowl life is not an easy one. Praying for you, Sarah.

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  5. I’ve been struggling for so long too. I’ve written about it, and then I stopped writing about it because I felt like a broken record. That people wanted the more “positive” side of my life. Thank you for your willingness to be real.

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  6. As one who is currently sitting smack dab in the middle of a big ‘ole heap of struggle, I can’t tell you how encouraging your words are. The enemy wants us to suffer alone, but when we speak it aloud we are given such power in the Father Almighty! Thank you for your honesty, and I can’t wait to read more in this series!

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  7. Pingback: My Secret Sin | Gracefilled Growth

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