Mom at 21: The Things I Regret

 

 

 

 

Mom at 21So young, my 21st birthday came, and along with it my first positive pregnancy test. As I saw that line come to life across the white stick, I had NO idea how my life would change. I wanted to be pregnant, I had gotten married the month after my 20th birthday, I was on track to finish college within the year, and I was SO ready to experience motherhood.

As I welcomed my first baby into the world I looked into the lives of my fellow 21 year old friends. They were young, even though we were the same age; their life style was young compared to mine. I looked on as my peers embraced all that is college life, many of them landing career building jobs after college. I watched as they “had fun” and dated around. They spent their summer days care free, and their nights staying up late.

And, the truth is, I really never wanted their life.

That is until now. NOW, as a 25 year old mom of two, I have to confess, some days, if I search into the deep down parts of my soul, the parts that I am so often scared to speak of, I feel a little jealous. Some days, in the really hard moments of this life that is mine, the darkness of my heart speaks regret.

I regret that I was too busy working and striving for the future, to really stop and enjoy the present.

I regret that I didn’t embrace those college days in fullness; rather I settled down early and rushed through my classes simply to get it done.

I regret that I didn’t travel the world, experiencing culture and new exciting things while there were no strings attached.

I regret that I didn’t REALLY go for my dreams, or even realize my dreams until my life was engulfed with motherhood.

I regret that I never built my career.

I regret that I didn’t spend more nights staying up late, being care free.

BUT, can I tell you the thing I will never regret?

I will NEVER regret that precious baby, and the one after her, and the others that may or may not come in the future.

I will NEVER regret being mom.

I will NEVER regret the feeling of looking into my newborns eyes and being overcome with such love, the love that only a mother can understand.

I will NEVER regret the free hugs and kisses that I get on a daily basis, just for being me.

I will NEVER EVER regret those beautiful human beings that my body brought into this world.

I won’t regret the time I spend with them, or the late nights taking care of them, or even the hard moments where I am learning amidst them.

Not for a single moment will I regret this journey that is motherhood, these little people who God is gently using to mold and shape me.

SO, my friend, if you ever feel that tinge of regret, you are not alone. It’s ok. BUT, remind yourself what you might regret if your life were different. Remind yourself of the joys you would have missed out on. Remind yourself of the beauty that is your life.

And, in the hard moments where God is bringing that dark feeling out from the deep places, and He is chipping away at the pieces of your heart that need to be no more, hold on my friend! He is molding you! And, as you allow Him to do so; you can live with NO regret.

Isaiah 64:8 “And yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand.”

No regrets,

Sarah

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19 thoughts on “Mom at 21: The Things I Regret

  1. I have things in my life that I regret, too, but I try really hard not to focus on those things. I like to believe that God puts us right where He wants us at the time. Sometimes I don’t want to be there, but I trust that He knows what is best. As you pointed out, children at such a young age caused you to miss out on some things…but you have gained so much! All of those friends who are living “younger lives” will be able to learn so much from you when their time finally comes.

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  2. Sarah, thanks for sharing your heart! Regret is a hard thing isnt it? But there are things we will never regret! I’ll bet you are one awesome momma!!

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  3. I think that no matter how you live your life, there’s always regret. Every choice has it’s upside and it’s downside. In your case, you missed some carefree young years, but your children are worth more than that. In my case, I have a 4 year old (I’m in my 40s), and I will miss having many years of an empty nest to enjoy with my husband.

    It makes me sad sometimes, but I still wouldn’t change a thing!

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  4. I agree with the last comment and I was going to say something similar. I had my first at 25 thinking that was not too young, but not too old. And it really is a great age, but would you believe that my husband and I actually wish we would have started sooner! We would love to have 5 kids, but I also want to be done by the time I am 35 and that’s impossible now (I’m 32 with 3 children and none on the way). I also REALLY want to be around for great grandchildren. I know it’s a strange dream, but people are having kids later and later these days. So if you are 30 when you have kids and let’s say they get married at 30 then you would be 60-something for your first grandchild, if the trend continues you MIGHT be able to be there to have one great grandchild. I just think it would be neat to be there at all of my grandchildren’s weddings. I know that is so morbid. Ha ha, anyway on a lighter note, we feel like our marriage improved with children and we wasted a lot of time being selfish and fighting all the time in the years before then. Sorry for rambling. You are a beautiful, brave mama!

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    • Haha Natalie, I so enjoyed reading your rambling comment, and it makes perfect sense to me :). Our journeys are all so different but I love that God is working and teaching us along the way! Thanks for reading!

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  5. This is just what I needed. I’m a 25 yr old mom to 3 and I SO get this. I have never regretted them for a second…but sometimes I wonder what if. Especially looking at my 25 yr old peers. But then I think how much longer I will get to be a witness to my kids’ lives, and how God’s plans for them are not Go’s plans for me.

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  6. You remind me a little of my daughter–married at 20 and finished college six months later and now wondering if they’re ready to become parents. I’m glad they’ve decided to put it off until after graduate school so that they can enjoy each other and and get graduate school out of the way before diving in to the diaper brigade :). Never regret having your children young enough that you can really enjoy them (and keep up with them). God has a purpose in everything, and he’s using you to help others.

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  7. I love your transparency here my friend. I was the girl that never thought I’d ever be married and surely never would have kids. Now happily married with three kids I’m going, “Okay…now I don’t know what to do!” Life has a way of throwing us into adventure…not the same for each of us, but thats what makes life worth running well. Love your testimony here! Thanks!

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  8. Beautifully written! I think that is how life is for all of us. I had my kids young too. I know those who wait to get married and wait to have kids have some regrets as well. Life is full of pros and cons, isn’t it? But we go with God, make the decisions we think are best at the time, and ‘play the hand we are dealt’ sometimes. —I think a positive attitude is everything though. Blessings to you and your littles. 🙂

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