As I sit down and pick through my breakfast plate today, the wheels in my head are spinning.
I think about this year, the last 365 days.
Of course I have been blessed in many ways this year; of course I am thankful for so many things. And still, the sting of regret pierces my heart as I think about the days behind me.
My stomach churns as my mind goes back to the time I have spent striving this year. Striving to do better, and to be better. Striving to accomplish something, to be “somebody”.
What have I done this year? What do I have to show for the last 8,760 hours?
Nothing, really. I mean nothing big. Nothing noteworthy. Nothing that anyone else would recognize as anything.
And, once again I find myself thinking, surely there is more for me, for I do not want to feel this same fog setting upon my heart in another 365 days.
I mean I have done many things. I have done every day the things that will be undone again tomorrow. And I have done them and done them and done them almost every day for the last 365 and still they are undone once more today.
I have tried to be a better mom, and a better wife, and a better friend, but many times I have failed.
I have worked to grow myself, to find strength, to seek the Lord daily, still many days have been one step forward and two steps back, and I find myself where I started all over again.
I have set goals that I have fallen short of. I have made plans that I did not follow through.
So now, where does that leave me?
Does that mean I fall short? Does that mean I am a failure? Does that mean I will never get anywhere? Or, that I, just like my accomplishments, am nothing?
Here I am on this day, the last day of this year. And, to be honest, I feel a bit defeated.
SO, where do I find my HOPE?
Only in Him. In Him, who is the giver of Hope.
Because, I cannot allow myself to be defined by the struggles I faced. I cannot allow myself to be defined by the things I did or did not accomplish. I cannot allow myself to be defined by the set backs and the failures. AND I cannot allow myself to be defined by these lingering emotions that I feel in my heart today.
Today is the end of one year, and the beginning of a NEW year. AND, the newness is still hard to grasp, but it slowly refreshes my soul.
My Heavenly Father promises to make all things NEW, and today I need newness. Today, I am reminded that He redeems what is broken, my broken days, my broken body, my broken dreams, and even the years that pile up to feel a bit broken.
So, my friend, if you feel anything like me today. If you look back at your year and it feels broken. If you are grasping to find what you have accomplished in the last 365 days. Or if you simply need hope for the year to come, you are NOT alone.
Today, may your heart embrace the newness of 2015, and the new creation that our Heavenly Father is making in you. Hold on to His Hope.
2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
Happy New Year!