Pausing, I breathe deep and look around.
My heart is surrounded with chaos. Like a whirlwind clinching tight upon me.
I read news this morning of violence, of riots, of murder, and theft. I read of sick, and dying, and division. Story after story of a scary world. Story after story of heartbreak and loss.
I look at myself. My hair that was once fixed is now a mess, sweat starting to perspire into droplets on my forehead. Who thought it would be this difficult to get myself and 2 kids out the door? My mind is wondering in a million different directions, thinking of the many tasks to be accomplished this day.
I observe my kids. They have been fighting and bickering all morning. The shoes I placed upon their feet have already been removed and misplaced. And, socks, where are their socks? I rush down to the laundry room, to see pile upon pile of laundry. A stingy reminder of my failure in this area. I glance at my phone to see the time, no more time to spare. Dirty socks it is. And then more guilt for this gesture of what I had not accomplished the day before.
I glance around my house. My one year old is the best at making a mess in little time. Crackers dumped and smashed upon the floor first caught my eye. And as chaos gripped my heart, of course I saw the window that was taped with duck tape from end to end. It had been shattered the week before. The sheetrock that needs mending glared back at me.
This world we live in is chaos. Myself. My kids. My home.
In this moment it all feels SO out of control. Like the walls around me could literally fall in. Like maybe I should find a cave to live in. Like, perhaps I should cancel my appointments for the day, turn off the warming car, and crawl back under my blankets.
BUT, I know none of those things are the answer.
So, I mustered up the strength to get the kids back into their shoes and out the door. I left the chaos of my messy house behind me. I soon left the chaos of my beautifully crazy kids at the sitters. And, I drove to my appointment.
Just me and my own chaos. The chaos that was transpiring in my heart.
I wanted to fix the situation, to get control of my life.
That’s when it hit me, I am NOT in control. Not for a minute. Not for a second.
And the moment that I think I am in control is the moment God will allow me to see the chaos that is this life.
The truth is this world we live in is chaos. It is out of my control.
But still, in the midst of it all, I know the One who is in control. I know the One who is bigger than the chaos. I know the One who speaks peace to the storm.
And, as I take a deep breath, I know that He is MORE than the chaos that surrounds me. I will not be consumed by the chaos because He speaks peace to my heart. He gives Hope for my life.
Do you ever feel the whirlwind of chaos closing in upon you?
Breath deep, my friend, and remember the One who is Bigger.
Psalm 46:1-2 “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.”