My heart slightly drops as I sit quietly, glancing into the future. Just a brief picture of where I want to be, who I want to be.
But, the “where” and the “who” that my heart desires seems so very distant from the “where” and the “who” that I am. It seems overwhelming. How will I ever get there?
After all, I see the me that I am; the me who is forgetful, and flighty, and is always running late. I know the me who so often procrastinates, and falls short every single day. The one who cannot seem to keep up with laundry, or be mom enough. The one who can barely keep up with the day to day tasks of this life.
I see her. And, I know where she’s at.
It’s just SO far. Too far.
Too far to that place where I am the mom I want to be, and the wife I want to be, and the writer I want to be, and the leader I want to be.
And, my heart drops because I wonder if I’ll ever get there.
“Father, will I ever fulfill the purpose to which you have called me? Will I ever be able?”
I can’t even see that far ahead of me. The map to where I want to be is dusty and the ways are rough and the lines are blurred. I don’t know the way. I can’t possibly see the way.
“Maybe my dreams, my hopes, my plans, maybe they are just not meant to be” I think allowed in the midst of my deep sigh.
But, it’s in that moment that my Heavenly Father whispers hope into my heart. HOPE.
I remember what He asks of me. “Trust me.” TRUST? “Let me lead you.”
My dreams, my goals, the “who” and the “where” of what I want still seems to be a distant journey to a faraway place. BUT, I choose to trust Him. I will let Him lead me along this path, even when I don’t understand where He is taking me.
I have HOPE. I TRUST in my Father. And, I let Him LEAD me day by day.
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”