Some days on this journey of motherhood I feel like I’m losing myself.
Amidst the piles of laundry, and the diapers to be changed, and the “mommy I need you”s, I am slowly fading.
The tasks are many and I become them. I am no longer Sarah. I am mom, kisser of booboos, and maker of meals, and cleaner of messes. I am the maid, and the cook. I am the expert snuggler, and the reader of books. I am the one who fills sippys, and bathes babies, and changes clothes, and makes snacks, and solves problems.
I am wife, the one who schedules bills to be paid, and grocery trips to be made. The one who does what laundry can be done amidst this mountain. I am the meal planner, and the childcare provider, and the errand runner.
I am the keeper of the home. The one who scrubs toilets, and organizes closets, and sweeps floors. The one who undoes the mess that will be done again by morning.
And, some days, on those desperate days, in the trenches, I can no longer find myself.
I have poured myself out and I am empty.
The me that I previously knew, no longer is.
And, my heart grieves.
And as I hang my head, I whisper a prayer. I cry out to the one who made this heart of mine. The giver of these kids and this home and these tasks.
He gently reminds me that I am not my own. I am His.
He faithfully consoles my heart and speaks truth. The truth that I am not defined by these tasks. I am not defined by the daily grind of this life.
I am defined as a Child of the one true King, the Living God.
And, in my emptiness, He begins to fill me again. And, I am thankful.
Jeremiah 10:23 “LORD, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price…”