Marriage: When I Stopped Doing What I Used To Do

love letters

Today, in the midst of my organizational tirade, I stumbled upon something that struck a chord in my heart.

As I was sorting through manuals, and papers, and cards, I began to find them. They were love letters, and sweet thoughtful cards, and flirty little spur of the moment notes. All written out in my curvy cursive handwriting. All signed with my name.

Some of them were from the days of dating, our first Valentine’s Day together, our first Thanksgiving, monthly dating anniversaries and yearly dating anniversaries, “hope you feel better soon”, and “just because” notes.

Some of them were from our first year or two of marriage, our wedding day, our first married Christmas, Birthdays, and wedding anniversaries.



The notes were filled with loving and encouraging sentiments. “I’m so proud of the person that you are,” some read. Others focused on the future, “I cannot wait to spend our lives together, build a family.” Some were a little funny, “You are the sexiest man alive, I’m so glad you’re all mine” or “Jonathan, you are such a hottie” J. Many were serious confessions of my undying love and devotion, re-affirming my absolute admiration for Him and the many character qualities that he possesses that I adore.




The stack was pretty hefty. I wrote A LOT of “I love you”s.

And then, there were a few from the last year or two- still a birthday card, maybe one for Valentine’s Day.

But the amount of paper’s dwindled as the years passed. And, the amount of words faded into a simple “I love you.”

And, as I came to this realization, my heart was filled with regret.

Life got busy, and I got busy. My husband became the norm, the one I do life with every day. The one who leaves his dirty socks on the floor, and no longer takes me on dates every weekend.

And I became tired, my task list got longer. Now there were bills to pay, and a house to be cleaned, and kids to discipline, and bathe, and feed.

And, I stopped writing those notes, and letters, and cards.

I stopped telling my husband so frequently of my undying love, and my complete admiration, and my excitement for our future together. And, more often than I’d like to admit, I probably do the opposite. I remind him of his shortcomings, and I bring up the things we disagree on, and I focus on the frustrations and the imperfections.

Today, I was reminded of what I used to do, and I wish I would have never stopped doing it. I wish I would have never stopped expressing those loving sentiments with surprise notes and “just because” letters.

So, today, I will start again. As I sit here at my counter, it is not just my computer screen that is filling with words. I write words of admiration to my husband in my curvy cursive handwriting and I sign my name.

What are things you used to do in your marriage, that you stopped doing as the years passed?

AND, what can you do today, to start again?

Titus 2:4 “And so train the young women to love their husbands and children..”


16 thoughts on “Marriage: When I Stopped Doing What I Used To Do

  1. Awesome Sarah!! Thanks for the reminder, I use to do the little things that brightened my husband, Neal’s, day too. We do text and I still send cards in the mail while I am out of town, the usual Valentine, Birthday, Anniversary cards but the day to day is filled with daily grind. Now I will take a moment to write him a little note to leave in his truck for the morning drive to work and make a commitment to make him feel more appreciated. Lola Ruby


  2. I love this! I don’t have a husband, or a partner, or anything, but I’m going to use this as a reminder to be more intentional with my friends and family and remind them that I love them. Thank you for sharing!


  3. Oh my goodness, this could not have come at a better time in my life. I’ve been letting so many other things take priority over investing in my marriage, and literally last night we had one of the hardest, most emotional conversations ever (during which I came this close to having a full blown panic attack). Praise the Lord, everything is going to be okay, but your words are such a great reminder to me that I need to intentionally cherish my husband and let him KNOW that I cherish him. Thank you so much!


  4. Beautiful!! Absolutely beautiful!! I’m so glad for you and your husband you had this reminder in the early season of life. I’m more excited you decided to begin again. My husband and I are empty nesters. We almost lost each other, but then we found some of those old things we used to do and started doing them again. Now we’ve found some new things, and we’re having fun again. Thanks for sharing your heart!


    • How encouraging it is that you were able to have fun again and grow back together again. I think our society breeds an environment and expectation that makes it so easy to grow apart from each other during the days of making a home and growing a family. So glad you were able to read and share your wisdom so that others may learn from that!


  5. This hits hard. I noticed recently that my husband feels more like my roommate, my business partner. I’ve been trying to remedy that. I miss US. It’s time to get focused on his Love Language and reignite our marriage!


    • Yes, Sarah. I have been there. It can be easy to get stuck in that rut as we go about daily life. Be intentional about communicating your love and remember the things you adored about him when you were dating! This definitely helps me. Thanks for reading!


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