At The Discontented Intersection of “What Ifs”


When we are young, we all have dreams. We dream of being an astronaut, an athlete, a famous musician. The possibilities are endless.

We dream about our spouse, what they will look like, who they will be. The magically romantic way they will treat us.

We dream about our family. Our perfect children. The ones who are polite, and dressed nicely, and never ever throw fits in Wal Mart.

We dream of our home. It’s beautiful and calm and joyfilled. AND in this dream there are no dirty dishes in the sink or goldfish crackers smashed into the freshly vacuumed carpet.

We dream of our life. The one where money is never tight. The one where meaningful friendships abound. The one where we are wildly successful, and happy, and healthy.

AND then, real life happens.


And our dreams don’t play out quite like we initially envisioned them.

AND now what?

I have a beautiful, amazing life, a husband who loves me, healthy kids, a home to live in. AND still I find myself at this intersection. This place of wishing and wanting. This place of “what ifs” and “if onlys”.

I’ve been here. Wallowing in the pride and discontentment of my heart.

AND I’ve been asking God to pull me out.

But, what I really needed to hear was what God spoke through my pastor yesterday, who ironically enough happens to be my dad.

Here’s the thing. God IS BIGGER than all of that.

NO, my life does not look quite like I saw it in those dreams. AND I wonder, “what if “ I would have pursued a different education, or started my career first, or waited to have babies, or lived more life before settling down, OR you fill in the blank….

“What if?”

The “what ifs” don’t really matter. You and I may think we have a plan, we are in control of our life, BUT the truth is GOD IS BIGGER THAN ALL OF THAT.

Who am I to doubt my future based on the “what ifs” of my past? Who am I to think that I somehow could have come up with better for myself than what the Lord has for me? AND who am I to think HE is not big enough to fulfill my dreams as I look forward?

He is in control. He knows my past and He sees my future.

Life is not perfect. BUT I can keep dreaming because He is the keeper of my dreams and I have no doubt that His plan is wildly better than anything I could come up with on my own.

James 4:13-15 “ Now listen, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to this city , spend a year there, carry on business and make money.’ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, ‘ if it is the Lord’s will we will live and do this or that’.”



5 thoughts on “At The Discontented Intersection of “What Ifs”

  1. At my age I continue to have “what ifs”. At 62, I no longer dream of future plans as much as I think of “what if” for the past. What if I had listened to God’s plan all my life instead of just sometimes. What if I had been in His will instead of taking terrible detours out of His protective hand. What if I had loved Him as much as He loved me. If I could warn young people of one thing it would be to plan their “what ifs ” around their faith instead of the world so that the regret will never haunt them in the winter of life.


  2. So true. I always wonder the what ifs everyday. What if I didn’t get pregnant at 16. What if I finished my education and pursued my dreams. What will my future hold for me. Then I think if none of this happened I wouldn’t be the person and mama I am today. I wouldn’t have been blessed with the love I have in my life. I have come to terms that this is the life god chose for me and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Sure, there are things I could change and things I want to be better but that is also in his plan. He has a plan for me!!!


    • You’re so right Jessica! It is so good to remember that His plan is always better than ours and He often times takes our mistakes, the things we have broken, and makes them new and beautiful!


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