I sat in the car, music playing, tears streaming down my face. I’m a girl, I cry a lot ok?
I knew the Lord was doing a work in my heart, almost like I could feel Him daily sculpting away the pieces of me that did not belong.
I thought about my life. The ways I had failed that day. AND, there was that question- Am I a hypocrite? Or maybe it was more like the thought, I am SUCH a hypocrite.
I sit in my comfy house and I write. I write blogs about living joyfully, spreading hope, speaking life. I write about the lessons the Lord is teaching me, but, truth be told many times I walk away and forget.
I get up in front of my church, arms lifted, voice raised. I “lead” others to worship our Savior. I sing the words to my favorite song “here I am, down on my knees again, surrendering ALL….” The worship is genuine. BUT then my heart wanders. My flesh cries out for something different, and I give in.
I make a bold claim, to be a follower of Jesus Christ, the one and only true and risen Lord. Yet, many times you may not see Him in me. If you could see the way I talk to my husband. If you could see the times I choose not to trust God. If you could see the way I react in frustration. If only you REALLY knew what was going on in my heart.
I guess you could say I AM a hypocrite. AND, probably so are you. BECAUSE we all fall short, even of the things we passionately believe in, even of the values that we hold so close to our hearts.
The beauty is that God does see. He does know. Yes, He sees my writing, and my worship, and my bold claim, BUT He also sees my heart. He sees what goes on in my home- the ways I response, the reactions I regret. He knows my heart will wander. He knows that I will probably need to be taught that lesson again.
You see, He sees the DEEPEST, DARKEST, MOST hypocritical parts of me. He knows it all. BUT, He never quits. He continues to work on me. Like open heart surgery he plucks out the pieces that are causing me pain. And, in the moment it kinda hurts, but long term it makes me better.
How grateful I am that the Lord has not given up on me. How thankful that He continues chipping away at my stubborn heart.
He is still making me.
He is not finished yet.
He has promised to complete what He has started. AND, in those moments when I KNOW the hypocrite that I have become I cling to His promise. He’s not done.
SO, in the worlds eyes, some days, I MAY be a hypocrite, BUT in God’s eyes, I am His child, and He’s still working on me.
Philippians 1:6 “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”