My husband and I recently celebrated our 5 year anniversary. We were so thankful for the kind words and congratulations that many friends and family members offered. After all, an anniversary is an exciting thing to celebrate. BUT, one thing stood out to me as I read through the notes written out in cards and on social media.
Many of the wishes I read went something like this “So glad everything went well for you guys!” “Happy to see everything is working out for you.” “Glad you are both still happy.”… Almost as if happiness is something that is handed to you and a good marriage is a gift from the cupids above. Almost as if this beautiful relationship thing just fell into our laps, like our soul matesqueness (I know, not a word) was bound to lead to a happily ever after.
Almost as if my marriage just “accidentally” happens to be “perfect”.
And that frustrates me.
Let me be clear, there is NOTHING about my marriage or any “good marriage” that is either of the above.
Is my marriage good? ABSOLUTELY.
Do I love my husband? YES!
From the outside looking in, would it some days appear that we have the “perfect” life? Possibly, if you’re not looking very closely.
Our marriage is GOOD, and we are doing WELL. BUT, have we had our fair share of struggles? YES. We have struggled in our relationship. We have struggled with communication. We have struggled with agreeing on what’s best for our family at times. We have struggled financially.
There have been days where “love” was not exactly the feeling that I was feeling.
We have made each other mad, angry even. We have made each other cry. No doubt, we have been hurtful at times.
We have both failed to meet each others needs at different times in our marriage.
The reason our marriage is good, is not because it’s perfect. It’s not because we were handed all the right cards, or because we were “meant to be”. AND, there is NOTHING accidental about it.
Our marriage is good because we made a choice.
We made a choice on that day 5 years ago. And, we have made a choice every day since. Even on the days when we didn’t really feel like it.
We INTENTIONALLY CHOSE to have a good marriage. We CHOSE to work through the issues, the circumstances, the struggles that we have faced and will undoubtedly continue to face. We CHOOSE daily to forgive each other when we fall short. We CHOOSE daily to love each other even when we do not feel loved in return.
We intentionally choose. We intentionally work. We intentionally try.
And, it’s not always easy. It doesn’t always feel good.
I can remember hearing from my dad, “Anything worth having is worth working for.”
This is true about many things in life, including marriage.
It will NEVER be perfect, but can it be good? Can it be beautiful? ABSOLUTELY.
And, a good marriage will NEVER just accidentally happen. BUT when you make a choice and you work at it daily, can you have a good marriage? YES, you sure can.
SO, if your married, my challenge to you is don’t wait for this perfect relationship to accidentally happen. Be intentional. Know that it will be hard work. But, make a choice to do it anyways!
One day, it will be beautiful.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”